In a confused state

Reading my own older blog posts, I realised that it’s been quite a long time since I wrote anything. Reading them I also realised that there was a time when I always had a topic to write upon. I wrote on controversial topics, I wrote on philosophical topics, I wrote on sentimental topics, I even wrote poems. I wonder, what has changed in the same person over the last 6 months or so that he has not been able to churn out even 200 words of gibberish which he could do with effortless ease earlier.

I guess it’s a combined impact of many factors. I am no longer in a business school which means I no longer become privy to petty everyday issues. This also means I no longer get agitated with something which I believe is not right and hence do not voice my opinion to it. I also believe that not being in an academic setup also implies that I am no longer in touch with my soft, literary side which was earlier always with me while writing cases and essays. Life was difficult there; there was competition, there were deadlines and there were perilous peers always ready to point out your shortcomings but life was also simple there. There was a constant shade of friends, someone to walk with you after dinner and someone to share your sorrows and joy over a drink or without it, thus giving you a channel to vent out which many a times translated to a written mode of expression. That is gone now.

The other factor can be the sheer burden of working in a corporate world. Many of us work without our heart or soul into it. Doing something for 10 hours a day without any interest what so ever means your creative side becomes dormant. You start tugging along, you start going with the motions and you start leading a robotic life. Life starts from home, reaches office and ends at home. Personally speaking, this is the case with me. Many would corroborate and many wont.

On the other side, there are many things which I can write about even today if I want to. I can write book review, I can write a movie review, but I wonder can I ever write a poem again given that you need a strong inspiration and a powerful feeling of well being for that to happen. I don’t have an answer as of now. I want the earlier situation back, when words flew from the mind and typing speed was the only inhibiter for them to come to life sooner than did. Today, I think while writing, I wonder what to write next and I even revise my writings. I may be maturing as a writer or this may be the start of the end. Or have I reached the end already?

Team India- So many blunders…

Come back home our heroes, come soon.. Come earlier than you were supposed to come as if the union budget would not have been presented without you back in India. It was a display of utter nonsensical batting and captaincy right from the first ball, no even before that, right when the coin was tossed.

1. India winning the toss and batting second: Indian record in chasing has been good in recent past but given that this was a do or die match, it would have much more sense to just go out there and play their game. Get a score on the board and then see. Chasing in such a critical match, Indians generally need a lot of diapers to see these matches through
2. Poor bowling: 14 wides compared to 4 by England sums it up. A 4 of a wide ball of the last ball of English innings could very well be the runs that India fell short of.
3. Poor batting: How can someone defend that none of a team’s top 4 batsmen can play short deliveries? No one can defend a world cup playing on lollies and hitting them out of the park. West Indies troubled them and England raped them by the same tactic. Where is the famous learning curve now? Byt seriously, Indians have to start practising against this stuff if they want themselves to be taken seriously in world cricket.
4. Unexplainable captaincy: Dhoni deserves full credits for gifting this to England. Now he made so many blunders, they themselves need sub bullets:
   1. Not coming down at number 3: he came down at number 3 against Banglash and Ireland and playing like a slow donkey. The argument, he will stabilise one end of the pitch while others will come and score from the other end. He will be the anchor. Why dint he come down today? Was he scared of English pace bowling? It appears like that
   2. Sending Jadeja: Who in his sane mind would send someone like Jadeja when you have Dhoni, Yuvraj and Pathan sitting in the dugout? He tried his best to get out but somehow was unsuccessful in even that. He should have tried hit-wicket, run-out or maybe obstructing the fieldsman, that could have made him go back quicker to change his leaking pajamas. Maybe he dint even know these ways of getting out.
   3. Keeping Yuvraj in the dug-out: Dhoni preserved Yuvi as if there is a tsunami out there in the middle and the over won’t be counted while that’s is going on. Alas, he was partially correct, there was a tsunami but Yuvi was sitting safe on shore while the clock was ticking for India. Defensive cricket generally does not win T-20.
   4. Dhoni’s batting: Someone please explain the logic of trying to sneak in a single when you need 60 off 30. You lose by 3 runs or by 15 runs, how on the freaking earth does that make a difference. Somehow he has started to believe that he cannot hit 4s and 6s and hence does not even tries to hit them. What happened to his hammer shots? All he could manage were 2 lucky snicks for 4 down past the third man. He looks more concerned to access facebook on his Aircel mobile then to play cricket these days.

With so many blunders, I personally believe it would have been a gross injustice to the effort of the team if India had won the match. At some stage of the match, it appeared that even if all the English fieldsmen shut their eyes and their hands and feet are tied with a rope, India will still lose. Reason: Dhoni would still hit the ball straight to the fielder. It seems that all the practise and so called edge Indian players had gained via IPL had gone down the drains. Hope that someone at the airport welcomes them with rotten tomatoes and eggs.

Hail Team India..

A poetic beauty

It was a beautiful morning with white flawless clouds filling up the valley just in front of my balcony. The clouds overlapped with fog, making it impossible to distinguish one from the other. Amongst this pure whiteness there was a hint of greenery lurking from the wild mountain bushes that form the valley. It looked as if a green cup was holding white spirit of life that was so keen to make the life of each one of the viewers full of innocent and unpolluted joy, a joy which was not polluted with the sorrows of everyday life, a joy which surpassed the meagre mundane pains one undergoes on not achieving something which is so materialistic and trivial that the person starts the tryst of something new on realising this failure.

While appreciating and absorbing this natural beauty, a friend a mine sent me pictures of a beautiful, innocent French girl whom he met 3 months back in a train. Her face was as calm as the fog, her expressions as natural as the clouds and her eyes as deep as the valley itself. It was a face no one can forget and a face which can make anyone become a poet. The face had 100s of questions, questions to no one in particular, yet everyone would want to answer each one of them

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The face inspired me to write a short poem, the effect was so strong that all it took was 5 minutes to compose it. It is not one of those classic poems, but for a novice like me, its nothing but an acceptance of mesmerisation of one’s soul on encountering something larger than life. The poem I wrote for this beauty goes as follows,

uljhe baal aur aankhon mein hazaro sawal liye, shoonya mein jhaank rahi ho tum

chehre pe masoom shararat liye, is safar mein tanha hi chali ja rahi ho tum

kash ki tere kaliyon se komal in hoothon pe ek mushkaan la sakoon main

kask ki terey in khamosh khayalon ka ek hissa ban sakoon main

kash ki teri ek tasveer bana sakoo main, jisme sirf meri ho tum

kash ki teri in jhuki hui palko ki sharm ka kaaran ban sakoon main

Unpredictable, unforgiving and uncertain

Being in a philosophical mood, I want to share 3 feelings I have currently. All these are learnings from the happenings of the last few days.

First. Life is unpredictable. Life is uncertain. And maybe that is the best thing about life; you don’t know what’s going to happen in the very next second. All of us know this but funnily enough none of us acknowledge this truth. We always keep fighting for trivial things in life be it a degree or diploma or be it a job. Why do we do all this struggle, knowing very well that all is going to end someday, maybe tomorrow itself. Well, I answered a friend of mine that we do all this just to kill our time here on Earth. Since we are here, why not as well do something to make sure that we don’t feel bored until we die. People might disagree at this and even laugh at this, but I could not find a better reason for anything which all of us do knowing the end result. And people say that human beings are rational. Are they?

Second. We all take many things in our life as granted and unless you see someone devoid of them and suffering because of that, you never care about that. Life is nothing without the love of near and dear ones. We take for granted the love of our mother and the protection of our father and never give a second thought to it. Think about someone who for any reason is devoid of this. Life can be seriously incomplete and difficult for such a person. Reasons can be the complete absence of parents which is generally uncontrollable and it is an utter misfortune of the person. For someone, who has both parents alive but who still do not want to nurture this child is the worst thing that can happen to this kid. They may have differences amongst themselves but this child is in no way to be blamed for it and do not deserve such a punishment. They may have some constraints, some reasons but how can they kill their feelings towards their own child. The mother who gave birth to this child after keeping it in her womb, who fed this child with her own milk, would require a super human effort to detach herself from the child. In this case, human beings have a lot to learn from animals. Look at a female monkey, even after her child is dead she doesn’t want to believe this truth and keeps the dead body attached onto her and behaves as if nothing has happened. She doesn’t abandon even a dead child. A dog would kill you if you as much as touch his child. I am not generalising but even one case is disturbing enough. What happened to the human emotions? Is it a case of modernity or showcased modernity?

Third. Friends are irreplaceable. That is the best bond people make other than the blood bonds and I would say sometimes these bonds are stronger than the God-made bonds. Some people are very lucky to have friends who are ready to be with them at all times in all situations. A friend can make you smile when you are down about a family member. A friend can make you laugh when all you can think of is to cry. And a friend can make you believe like you are the king, even though you are an idiot. One good friend is all you need to become the richest person in the world. The best thing about friendship, it can happen anytime in your life and with anyone. I remember the movie, “Cast Away” where Chuck made a basketball his friend and lived with it for 4 years on an isolated island. He talked with it, he fought with it and he even cried his heart out when he lost it. He would have been dead long back had he not humanised a non-living object like a ball. For him, it was not a ball; it was Wilson, his best friend.

Cherish all the good times you have today because who knows what would happen tomorrow. Don’t take things and people for granted, you only realise their worth when they are gone, far from you. And try your best to preserve them, don’t be a fool to throw them away. You are one of the luckiest people to have had the chance of making your life beautiful.

Birthdays and time zones

I somehow end up being at random places (read countries and cities) on my birthdays since the last 3-4 years. Places which either have a different time zone from India or even if I am in India on my birthday, it somehow ends up being celebrated in strange locations. Weird locations are still acceptable since I don’t have to worry about celebrating my birthday according to various time zones where some friends wish me when its 12PM according to their time while it’s still late evening at my location. Let’s see how time zones have mattered in 2 of my last 3 birthdays and how the only remaining one was celebrated in a bus

24 September 2006: Singapore, 2.5 hours ahead of India meaning that it was 12AM of 24^th in India when it was 2:30 AM in Singapore. So I got calls from friends in India at 2:30 AM in the morning. Of course their argument that I was born in India and not in Singapore justified the time of wishing. Fortunately I was celebrating my birthday at a beautiful beach in Singapore so I dint have to wake up to pick up the calls. But yeah, that birthday was nice, serene beach and a bunch of friends to enjoy with till wee hours of the morning. I think it was till 4AM. But confusion due to time zone made many of my friends to wish me twice, once according to Indian time and once again to Singapore time.

24 September 2007: This time I was in India so no confusion due to time zones but I was travelling on a bus from Bangalore to Kozhikode that night. Fortunately had 4 friends with me on the bus and we did make sure that the entire bus wakes up at 12AM with loud noises and celebrations. A makeshift cake in the form of a chocolate bar was there for me to celebrate my 24^th birthday. Of course, that meant that I was saved from the customary birthday bumps. Lack of critical mass to do that

24 September 2008: It was the turn of Germany this time, 3.5 hours behind India. In simple terms 8:30PM here meant that my birthday actually started in India. Taking things a bit ahead, it meant that it was 2:30 AM in Singapore. So while I was getting ready to cook something to eat for my dinner, I got calls to wish me from sleepy friends in Singapore who wished according to Indian time. It would have been easier for them and much more complicated for me had they decided to choose Singapore time (was in a class at that time). Indian friends were confused as to should they wish me according to Indian time or European time. Some wise people decided to use the German time and other stuck to the logic of “You were born in India and not in Germany” and wished me according to Indian time. Of course, I am talking about chats and pings and scraps, since not many people called from India. Maybe rising financial crises and falling rupee is the reason. And even I was confused in this time zone mix as to when should I stop feeling like a birthday boy; according to India or according to Germany. And I decided to extend the day by 3.5 hours on both sides, start by India time and end by German time

A quarter century of my life which started in India and ended in Germany was spent with not many friends. No birthday bumps and no cake on the face to make you smell of egg for days. It was simple, sober and different. Silver jubilee celebrated in Frankfurt with an Indian dinner at a Pakistani restaurant. Truly a globalised world!!

A journey to remember

What is your idea about travelling for almost 24 hours in Indian railways and that too in Second Class sleeper? 95 out of 100 people would say, “YUCK” but NO, it can be actually fun. All you need is the right route and the right company and I can’t tell you the speed at which time flies and before you realise, the journey is over.

Take a train on the Konkan railways route and be prepared for enjoying the symmetry in randomness of the nature engulfing you. An engineering marvel, the stretch is picturesque with innumerable tunnels, uncountable waterfalls and unimaginable stretches of lush green forests. If you are lucky, you will be greeted with misty weather with light drizzle which very quietly enters from your side window onto your face, refreshing it and making you feel almost in heaven. Smoking hot Vada Pao and hot tea add to the thrill, making you wish for this journey to never end.

People talk about the beauty of Europe and Switzerland and are thrilled by the idea of a long trip on Euro Rail across the Alps or fields in Switzerland. Without undermining that, I want to say that this stretch can easily match anything anywhere. Nowhere would you find such never-ending stretches of green forests and plains, herd of buffaloes roaming around in utmost carefree freedom and a couple of huts in the slopes of the Western Ghats with slight traces of smokes coming out of their chimneys. You can actually see clouds being formed and travelling with you crossing small ponds of clear water where the idea of fishing makes you feel romantic. Life becomes a lot simpler and the worldly worries are hushed out of the same window from which the rain comes onto your face.

The only spoiler in this dream run is the smoke from the engine which unable to escape through the tunnels, enters into the compartments and makes it a bit of uncomfortable, but this happens only when the tunnel is real long. Anyways, the cool air removes all traces of this smog as soon as train exits out of the tunnel. The run continues for more than 7 hours and as you keep entering and exiting tunnels, your mind keeps wondering the amount of effort expanded in digging these tunnels in such an area where for miles you don’t see traces of human beings.

All this while, you have a nice bunch of friends who make this journey ever more beautiful. Playing cards and eating whatever comes your way, you make sure to get people out of your coupe and run for covers on berths insulated from your voices. Once tired of cards, you start gossiping about unrelated random people and things and kill time like never before. Then suddenly some of you get emotional and start discussing politics, only to leave the topic upon entering a tunnel where nobody can hear anyone. Out if the tunnel, the topic is gone and you scramble on a new topic to discuss till the next tunnel which on this stretch are long and plenty. Time flies by and slowly the serenity of the surrounding engulf you and makes you feel sleepy. You climb on your berths for the one last time before you enter into the hustling, and noisy city of Mumbai.

The run has come to an end. The journey is over, it’s time to get out, but I am sure the after effects of the journey will not fade away for a long time to come. Journey, in this case, is much more important, pleasant and beautiful than the destination.

In love with nature

Pretty late in the night, sitting on a pile of to be submitted assignments and an impending quiz tomorrow, for some weird reason he feels like writing something. Best part is that he has nothing to write on, no controversial topics to provide his POV on and no global topics to be an expert on. After lengthy thoughts, he starts believing that it is the weather that is playing its part in making the mood of almost a workaholic to run away from his laptop and books to listen to soothing songs and let his mind wander around in search of nothing.

What he feels when he listens to the sound of the heavy rain falling on the innocent green wild bushes is a feeling of tranquillity amongst this noise. He searches for stars in a heavily clouded night and lets the cool breeze slap his face with full force, making his face wet with the cold rain water. He imagines the fog that will soon engulf this serene place and would make it almost look like a white paradise where life stands still and is free of worldly vices. And in all this background, his ears are recognising the lyrics of a beautiful song sung by Kishore Kumar, making him join the singer in the song.

He wanders further and reaches a place where his ears are immune to any sound or noise, he thinks of people he normally doesn’t think about, he starts to relive his childhood when he was free to run in the rain and nobody cared. He remembers the days when he thought of nothing and just flowed along. He remembers the days when he played flute and enjoyed his cricket. He remembers living life without realizing that he is reaching slowly towards a point of no return to these blissful days. All his friends of childhood flash in front of his eyes, calling him to play with them, as he finishes off his glass of milk to run to the park.

Not having any more words to write on nothing, he signs off looking in the sky singing the song, “Jagamagati Hui Jaagti Raat Hai, Raat Hai Ya Sitaaron Ki Baraat Hai”, amidst no signs of any stars. What he sees is the cheerful swaying of the trees and bushes, enjoying the thumps of the wild rain lashing around this beautiful place, without complaining as if the pain of being beaten by this rain is overwhelmed by the joy of being so close to it. Pain and joy, always had a close relation, with one following the other almost always and this he realises today in its fullest practically. Nature, as they say is very powerful and he bows his head to it.

From 601/MPA/01 to PGP/11/132

These numbers may look strange to many of you, at least one of these to most of you. But for me, these define who I am today and who I will be later in my life. The first of them is my engineering roll number and the later is my current roll number at IIMK.

Roll numbers have a greater effect on a person than a prisoner number. Roll numbers decide whom you sit with in the class, roll numbers decide who would be your group member for a team presentation, roll number decide your sitting position in the exams which greatly influence your chances of passing the course, and sometimes roll numbers end up deciding the person you are going to spend your life with. Actions are also defined by roll number; people sitting in the front row due to roll number behave in a certain way which lucky chaps sitting in the last row don’t need to. Sitting with a pretty girl makes you study for a quiz so that you can help the damsel in distress and score some brownie points, not to mention the sober look on your face throughout the day irrespective of the professor or the course.

But for me, these numbers have a meaning far beyond this. For me these numbers represent the institutions I belong to. A part of me is not Alok, its either 601/MPA/01 or PGP/11/132. I become 601 whenever I see a lathe machine or an engine assembly, curiously wondering why am I not working on this. Opening and closing gates of a metro train remind me of the pneumatics and hydraulics learnt as roll number 601. I still remember that a single phase motor drives a fan or a cooler and why diesel engines make more noise than a petrol engine. I am no longer baffled when I see new inventions around me, I know exactly how rotating things rotate and moving things move. 601 made me a computer hardware engineer expert also making me dexterous in installing new RAMs or adding a friend’s hard disk to copy some nice and new stuff. It taught me to live in a hostel and enjoy with people from different parts of India. It gave me my best friends who are still with me sharing my joys or sorrows.  4 years at 601 made me an expert in writing exams and acing them without slogging hard. It made me a decent presenter and speaker, and it also made me a gossiper. Being 601 was my first head-on encounter with life.

Life as 132 is a bit different. Life is more complex, more hectic and more confusing. But 132 brought some changes in me nonetheless. Sleeping in the classes is something 601 never did but 132 does it almost every day. 601 bunked classes but 132 cant. 132 is more aware of his surroundings and is no longer an easy target for manipulation. 132 fights for what he feels is right while 601 generally did not know what was right. 132 is more mature while 601 enjoyed with the child within him. 132 will make more money than 601 but 132 has lesser friends also as compared to 601. 132 can blurt out gas for hours while 601 could speak on technical stuff for hours. 132 is hollow while 601 was as solid as stainless steel. Teachers still remember 601 but hardly anyone would even recognize 132.

Many times 132 envies 601, for the innocence and the freedom 601 had. And 132 misses 601 too. In the end, it was 601 who made 132 and not the other way around. And hence, Alok will always be an engineer before an MBA, no matter what he does or for what is he paid for.

The burden of past

The biggest question in life faced by almost everyone is how and when to forget the past and move ahead in life. How long somebody is ready to carry the burden of his/her forgettable past and people who made that past is totally a personal question which nobody is comfortable facing or answerable. People for the sake of being or showing courageous and strong, pretend that things happened in the past are gone and they totally have started to live in the present but, is that totally or even partially true? Most of the normal mortals unwillingly go on carrying the burden of their past which either they invented themselves or was gifted to them by someone else.

This burden of past goes a long way in making sure that the individual suffers a lot in the present thinking about people and things that were a part of the past and are no longer a part of the current and future picture. He keeps on thinking about the possible ways he could have reacted or behaved which could have modified the past and may have been more beautiful. He thinks and tries to analyze the possible reasons for a particular behavior of his or of someone else which affected the normal functioning of his daily life. Doing this, he generally goes overboard and ends up scratching the uncalled for moments in the history and more often than not, too strongly.

There is no doubt that the mistakes done in the past are the best possible way to learn about yourself and improve your life unless you are a compulsive repeater of them and can’t breathe without doing them again. The only caveat in this self-learning cum introspection is that people generally over analyze things and ultimately end up making things more complicated in the present. It also happens that if things in the past did not go too well, people may altogether forego that particular action once and for all which might inhibit the natural instincts that a particular person possesses. The fear of repeated failure makes them take this path of abstinence, again making their present life pay for the past.

I am not giving any arbitrary gyaan about some random topic without a reason. When to chuck the fear and inhibitions imposed by the past is a question most of us find unanswerable. What should be the best possible way to forget it, I don’t think there is a particular correct answer. Had there been something of that sort, life of millions of people would have been better who otherwise continue to suffer burning in the fire that something or someone set them on sometime back. I wish there was a rewind and delete button in the human brain that would have made this possible but since that is currently impossible, is there another way to get rid of the past??

Indians and Politics

This may be a very contentious issue to be tinkered with but what’s the point in trying to tame a meek goat when it would be much more fun to fight with a raging bull. So let me try to control this bull with some logical points which may not go down so easily with everyone, and for the rest take these words with a pinch of salt as is generally done with Tequila shots for reasons know to everyone.

The linkage and affection of politics and Indians is almost as old as that of earth and sun. As no one can comment on “Who came first, chicken or egg?” nothing conclusive can be said about this issue also. The recorded history shows Rama being sent to exile by the political Keykayi, this may be the first instance of politics ever played but who knows what happened before that. The affection of Indians with politics can be attributed to many reasons some of which I would enumerate here.

1) 1) Inherent tendencies to think: Right from our childhood we see people fighting and politicizing against each other, day in and day out. An innocent child learns politics from his mother and grandmother politicizing against each other, the father and his boss politicizing against each other. He grows up in such an incubative environment that it is difficult for him to resist his newly developed instincts from trying on people around him on the first chance he gets to use.

2) 2) Extreme amount of free time: Plenty of people don’t have much to do in their day to day lives. Result, they start thinking laterally, on issues which don’t affect them, issues which are irrelevant for them. Twisting and bending each fact becomes a source of enjoyment in their otherwise boring and wretched lives. The fun to do something wrong to an unsuspecting person is something which they strive for. Rumor mongering is a favorite pass time of good for nothing people who can otherwise do nothing constructive in their eternal free time.

3) 3) The tendency to have an opinion on everything: How many of us don’t think that they can be a better prime minister than Manmohan Singh or a better cricketer than Sachin? Almost all of us believe that whatever is happening is wrong and could have been better if they were allowed to pour in their invaluable contribution towards everything. This is not only true for bigger things like these but also for much smaller and inconsequential things like student body functioning or even the working of a non-profit volunteer club. So awesome people try to become more awesome by criticizing the lesser awesome incumbent members of each organization.

4) 4) The tussle of mediocrity and meritocracy: Again a live wire to touch, but people who are mediocre and more importantly themselves believe that they are mediocre try to fight merit by the only possible way which is the political way. Equitable distribution is their slogan since distribution on merit is something which would leave them starving and naked on the street. Result, targeted political attacks on people who don’t even need to be political, their merit would take them places they want to reach, places which these people can only day dream of.

The truth of these statements is reflected in the amount of tussle for every student body election in every university, be it at graduate level or post-graduate level. These tussles sometimes become very poisonous as seen every year in DU elections with violence marring the democratic process. The love of politics and power is so ingrained in each one of us, that we make sure to live up to them even outside India. A simple look at other universities outside India would show the manpower we have in their student bodies. This may be good or bad, that is an issue we are not debating on. The issue is the preference this thing takes over primary academic activities. Some people might argue that had it not been the case we wouldn’t have had so many politicians, after all almost all of them started their political career from DU only. And who knows, it may have been better for our country.

Nobody could escape the ever growing sphere of influence of politics and politicians. If lord Rama couldn’t escape the politics played by his own mother, who are you and me to even think of escaping it. I have poured in my opinions about this issue in front of you, after all you see; even I have an opinion about things. Think twice before liking them or hating them, for this is a total non-political effort in putting in my opinions.